Episode #63 Featuring: James, I.Q., Tracy, Gordo, Trevor, Dr Derange, Jaws, Nick Nack, Spoiler. Synopsis: Deep in the heart of the Arizona desert, a cavalcade of national park ranger vehicles make their way to an unknown destination. But it's not long before a familiar face appears on the scene - it's Spoiler and his biker gang. Without warning they attack, firing missiles at the trucks. The chief ranger radios for help, but they are forced off a cliff edge by Spoiler's boys. The officers run away from the wreckage, and Spoiler destroys their vehicles with missiles. The gang then use automatic lassoes from the motorbikes to capture the officers, and put them on their bikes, driving off into the distance - but not before causing a rockslide to 'get rid of the evidence'. James and his friends are staying at a hotel in Flagstaff, Arizona, for a science expo, where I.Q. hopes to exhibit a magnetic engine he's invented - it runs on energy from the Earth's magnetic field, creating perpetual motion. However, Trevor has also created an invention which he hopes will trump I.Q.'s - an automatic grooming helmet. Unfortunately, he hasn't yet mastered the teeth-cleaning device, and goes off to work out the bugs. James, I.Q. and Tracy decide to head off for the expo, but before they do I.Q. returns James' pen. Jaws and Nick Nack make their escape, but are pursued by Sally, who thinks they're trespassing tourists. She tells them they're in violation of state laws, but isn't impressed when Jaws simply pulls her car bonnet off in response, cutting her brakes so she can't stop. As Jaws and Nick Nack glide into the secret base, James and I.Q. see Sally's car in trouble, and and uses a chain to save it from falling off a cliff. Just as she gets out, however, the car tumbles down the cliff - with I.Q.'s leg caught in the chain! At the bottom of the ravine, I.Q. is unconscious, and found by Spoiler and one of his goons, who take him off on their motorcycles to see if he knows anything. James and Sally reach the bottom of the cliff but can't find I.Q. anywhere. They do find the cycle tracks though, and decide to follow them in the jeep. Back at the expo, Trevor explains all the features of his automatic grooming helmet to an astounded audience - but they aren't so impressed when he only succeeds in gagging himself with a bow-tie. He claims it's due to a voltage overload - but when he attaches I.Q.'s magneto power adaptor the device actually works as it should. Meanwhile, Spoiler and his sidekick interrogate I.Q.. They call him 'geek', but he has amnesia from his fall so that he can't remember who he is, and thinks it's his name. He doesn't remember James either, so the two give up and prepare to drive off to look for Bond. But when Spoiler's bike backfires, and I.Q. successfully fixes it with one of his gadgets, Spoiler suddenly takes a liking to him - and adopts him into his gang! They provide him with a suitable outfit, telling him he's 'gonna be a lean, mean machine', that he 'eats nails for breakfast', and that he'd 'do anything to mangle that two-bit runt Bond.' Confused, I.Q. concurs, suggesting they 'go mangle him. Sally and James are still looking for I.Q. when the bikers approach from behind. James can see I.Q. cheering on the back of Spoiler's bike. They fire missiles, causing Sally's jeep to plummet off (another) cliff. Luckily, James uses the string shot on his watch to pull them to safety as the car falls and explodes. They scramble onto a promontary, but then that disentegrates and they're in mid-air again. It's a good thing that the button on his belt releases a parachute. At the base of the cliff they encounter I.Q., who doesn't recognise the name - pronouncing himself 'Geek the Freak'. Spoiler arrives and ties up James and Sally, as James desperately tries to convince I.Q. to remember his previous identity. Spoiler prepares to blast the pair of them into the ground, but James wriggles out of it by challenging Spoiler to a bike race, suggesting he'd lose. They make a bargain - if James wins, I.Q.'s allowed to leave with him. The race begins, and Spoiler begins to concoct ways to do away with James. At the expo, Trevor demonstrates his gyro-groomer on Tracy, giving her a complete makeover. She looks hideous, but it doesn't stop dozens of interested consumers running up and demanding Trevor's device. A wealthy Texan businessman approaches, offering Trevor 'a cool million' to go into business with him, if he meets him at five o'clock. Spoiler releases oil from his exhaust onto the road, causing James and Sally to skid around a bit - then he uses an ignition feature to light the oil, creating a wall of fire. James uses his watch string-shot to pull them over the fire and gets to the finish-line first. When I.Q. protests about being handed over to James, wanting to remain with Spoiler, the biker gets sick of him and throws him off the motorcycle. He bumps his head again, and remembers who he is. Just as Spoiler's about to impale James with a huge metal spike protracting from his bike, I.Q. uses a spanner to loosen his wheelnuts, causing the bike to collapse. As James holds Spoiler down, Sally keeps the other bikers at bay - and they force information about Derange's whereabouts from the villain. As the three drive off, I.Q. demands to know why he's wearing strange clothes, and James tells him - but he doesn't believe it. I.Q. finds Derange's base with his magnetic device, where the extra energy from the power station has made Derange's magnetic field as strong as that of the Earth's core. They overhear his plans, and I.Q. realises the ice caps are in danger. He messes with Derange's machinery, hoping to overload the circuits and cause the device to break down - but Jaws stops him in his tracks. Derange pulls the switch to start the machine and tells Jaws to finish them off - but I.Q. uses his own magnetic engine to pull apart the pipes in the lab. James goes for Derange, but the mad scientist threatens to put the machine on full power if he comes closer - which would throw the Earth out of its orbit! James puts his hands up, but clicks his heels together to start the booster rockets on his shoes. He flies up to the ceiling, overloading the device by kicking the control panel. Derange flees, followed hotly by James and I.Q., but he gets away. Sally congratulates James for saving the planet, and he and I.Q. head off for the expo. At the show, the rich businessman is wearing Trevor's helmet and is busy promoting the device, suggesting mass production to make a fortune. I.Q. and James enter, and I.Q. realises that Trevor is using his booster device to make the helmet work. He warns him that the storms outside could interfere with the magnetic booster, but Trevor ignores him, and the businessman is duly fried by a burst of lightning. He chases Trevor off, demanding the replacement of his $500 suit. Review: This is Doctor Derange's sixteenth and final appearance in the TV series of James Bond Jr., so by now the fact that his plot in this episode is bald-faced nonsense should come as no surprise whatsoever. This one's arguably more outlandish than usual, bearing more than a passing resemblance to his equally unlikely scheme from It's All in the Timing (once again, both electromagnetism and the Earth's rotation come into play within a torrent of nigh-indecipherable technobabble). But in fact, Derange himself gets little to do here, sidelined by his various henchpeople - notably Spoiler, also in his final outing, who actually comes across as rather likeable in this episode. The I.Q.-amnesia sub-plot lurches clumsily between amusing and cringeworthy, but at least it's fairly original, and it provides a unique insight into Spoiler's own mentality and motivations in a way that is rarely seen with any of the show's other villains. And the lack of Warfield silliness does this episode no harm, either - Trevor, while present, is (albeit tenuously) tied to the plot, and it's interesting to see one of schemes almost working - the aristocratic grooming helmet, with built-in toothbrush and bow-tie adjustment, is a stroke of genius if just a tad implausible. Possibly the most likeable character in the episode (aside from Spoiler) is intrepid and fearless park ranger, Sally, whom, aside from her crime-fighting and conservation skills, puts a smug Bond in his place at least twice, replying while dangling from a cliff-face to his offer for 'a hand' that, 'I have two of my own'. On the whole, there's far too much going on here for a twenty-two-minute slot, leading to some slightly sloppy storytelling and a particularly rushed ending - but there's more than enough about this episode to make it enjoyable, and it's a good deal better than some of the others towards the series' end. |
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